August 24, 2005

• Just wanted to take a moment and point out that earlier this evening I went to a burger place in Ballard called Zack's.

  It's supposed to make you feel as though you're at an outdoor BBQ in someone's back yard. The tables are wooden picnic tables with big umbrellas over them. The condiment bottles (mustard, ketchup, salad dressing, etc) are presented in cardboard beer six-pack containers, all Budweiser and Miller, no imports. All this contrived BS made me acutely aware that I was being scammed.

  And I was. I got my burger, and it was salty. Not just a little bit salty. We're talking Dead Sea here. The salt was around the edges, so I assumed someone had salted something over the grill, and then this hapless meat patty was place onto it.

  Salty like you just emptied one of those little salt packets into your mouth. That kind of salty. But only around the edges, and I was so hungry and it had taken so long for this pretensiously pseudo-non-pretensious gourmet burger to arrive that I ate most of it.

  In fact, I ate all of it. I was that hungry.

  And now, six hours later, I'm still dehydrated. I'll be dehydrated until morning and beyond. I won't drink coffee tomorrow, because I'll be so dehydrated.

  But... The waiter asked, "So how's your burger?" And I told him: "It's really, really, really salty. Like, really salty. But only around the edges, and I'm really hungry, so I'm eating most of it." He said, "Ok, well thanks for telling me." He didn't give me a comp, didn't even discount it. But he got no tip.

  So if I have a heart attack tonight, someone please go to Zack's and ask for my money back.

  • 2:25 am
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