March 19, 2003

• I’m sitting here wondering if I could possibly feel any worse about the world situation. I had a cathartic ‘Those motherfuckers are gonna do it!’ outrage last night, and here I sit tonight unable to go to bed even after three glasses of wine and re-runs of Conan O’Brien. I spent most of today in bed, trying to pretend I wasn’t awake.
  
  Sometimes I think that I just take all this stuff too personally. Other times I think I’m some kind of emotional channel for the ambient emotional state of all humanity, bobbing around like a bouy in the waves of feeling. And still other times I’m able to detach myself from all of it, to a creepy, perhaps unhealthy degree.
  
  When I say I want peace in the world, I’m not saying it because it’s some hippie idealism, I’m saying it because I want peace for me. I’ll feel the bombs hit, and I’ll feel the people die. The kind of ignorance required of soldiers to kill people because they were told to is an overwhelming, painful sensation to me. The kind of blind ideology and greed required to undo hundreds of years of American tradition and order an invasion of a country that hasn’t attacked us not only offends me as a patriot, but makes me nauseous. It also makes me wonder how they can stomach it.
  
  Someone of the cowboy government persuasion might tell me to suck it in and deal, Mr. Crybaby liberal, and I might respond that they should grow up and join the human race.

  • 6:58 am
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