January 31, 2002
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Quoth CitizenParasite (I hear he’s a really good poet):
The last major player to crack my heart made a remark that I thought was a cheap justification on her part, but as time wore on I began to see a certain wisdom in it. She said: “Love guides us to where we need to follow, but it may not be for love that we must go there, but for something else entirely.”
A more sublime and perfect carrot on a stick cannot be found.
I agree. I’d also add that just about everything in life is like that. We think we know what we’re doing and where we’re going, but we’re just fooling ourselves mostly. Little Red Riding Hood thinks she’s going to granny’s, but she’s really going to discover what puberty means through an archetypal encounter with lupine danger and sensuality. Big bad teeth, baby. And why red, of all colors?
Why should romance or relationship or fucking or nodding to strangers on the street be any different? What we want is of little consequence, except for providing a context of inflexibility and limitation. I want stuff, and I can’t have it the way I want it, and I don’t want to be a spoiled brat about it, because the Universal Causative Principle might listen to my pleas, but it sure won’t if I’m whining. And certainly, if I want something from/with someone else, there has to be consent from them. And they’re just as confused as I am about what they’re going to end up getting, right?
My problem isn’t lack, it’s companionship. I’m lonely in the sense that I don’t have any peers. It sounds so elitist or arrogant to say, but it’s true. I’m absolutely unique in a number of different ways, and for decades I’ve tried to pass as normal. I give up on passing. I declare it thus: I’m a freak of nature, and you’ll probably never understand me, and if you know, beyond a reasonable doubt, that you’re more a freak of nature than I am, and you don’t mind acknowledging the unknowable in me and yourself, I want to ravage you in and out of the cold plunge at Goldmeyer hot springs.
The pool of people who might possibly meet such a requirement is very, very, very finite. The number of those people who are in my sphere is very, very, very small. The number of those people who I end up actually meeting goes up very, very, very slowly over time. Sometimes I rush the process with disasterous results, as with Hilary.
Suddenly, I have a vision. I can see her. She gets my jokes and can tell better ones. She likes the idea of driving across four states to go to a party. We stop at a rest area and fool around behind the restroom building while little kids from Minnesota who are travelling with their parents to see the national parks look on and giggle. I wonder where she got that pancho, but she won’t tell me because if she did, it wouldn’t be the Pancho Of Unknown Origin, and she wouldn’t be its High Priestess. She tells me about how eagles will drop turtles from up in the sky in order to break their shells, and I tell her about the time I watched bald eagles hunting in a pair around Puget sound.
And so forth. Do I want this? Is it the carrot or the stick? Do visions come to teach us to give up on visions?
Comments (10)
Do visions come to teach us to give up on visions?
I think they do, but I’m a pagan freakazoid, so go figure. Although I’d amend the statement a little, I think.
Visions come to refine themselves. We attract what we envision, and as we grow, so our vision can only improve, right? And the changes are a sign of our growth, of our willingness to *finally, at long last* call into being that which we truly want and truly deserve.
This blog excited me. I spent my entire sleeping hours dreaming about you, in a huge house, which I found odd considering my current surge of determination in regards to my own newly refined vision, but nonetheless, it was a hoot!
There was music pretty well accompanying every change in scene, and except for the girl who came over to your house to ask why you’d stolen her carpet (she found out later that her housemate had put it away. You musta looked like a shady character), it was a really positive dream. I woke up to the song “Come Dancing” blaring between my ears. Weird huh?
The scenes were filled with folks who were as weird as those we have in our tribes (whose circles seem to be overlapping these days, I’ve noticed). In every scene, you were dancin’ around like a mad fool…kinda bouncing. There was this joy in your step that was completely contagious and I was reminded of how children play together.
In the dream, I knew you’d crossed over some invisible barrier. I remember feeling quite sparkly to be witnessing it. I remember laughing at you in that way that only really good friends can laugh at each other.
Cool, huh? Thought I should share that.
It’s a beautiful day. There’s music coming down the pike. I have wonderful friends who help me refine my own vision too often to keep track, and there are at least a thousand reasons to bounce.
Come dancing!!!
V~
[img]http://www.plauder-smilies.de/pftroest.gif[/img]
oh hells bells
larston meant to say:
in figuring out I found this pageful of wunnerful smilies which you just KNOW I’ll be using all the time now. Especially this one:
Hehehehehe
V~
dammit. mine didn’t work either.
friggen xanga.
*stomps off in disgust*
My problem isn’t lack, it’s companionship. I’m lonely in the sense that I don’t have any peers. It sounds so elitist or arrogant to say, but it’s true. I’m absolutely unique in a number of different ways, and for decades I’ve tried to pass as normal. I give up on passing. I declare it thus: I’m a freak of nature, and you’ll probably never understand me, and if you know, beyond a reasonable doubt, that you’re more a freak of nature than I am, and you don’t mind acknowledging the unknowable in me and yourself, I want to ravage you in and out of the cold plunge at Goldmeyer hot springs.
~sigh~
I am surrounded by people who write so incredibly well what I think. And I snarl … hit my desk with a fist and shout to no-one in particular: HOT DAMN that’s what I’ve been trying to say for centuries!
Copyright that paragraph. Make posters out of it, and put them everywhere. I guaranfuckintee people will crawl out of holes in places you didn’t know existed and throw parties for you.
I still get the first game of pool tho’.
~looks up~
I know Feith’s house. I’ve *been* there in my dreams too … where all the freaks and geeks get to be. Just be.
this reminds me of a discussion/number of conversations with one of my best friends… he said something similar…… making it sound bad to be different and stuff…. I said that he wasn’t that different from people I knew well. anyways in the end I wun the argument… people are never freaks or anything… they just are extraordinary
(later he told me that I’m not like anyone he had ever met 
)
about visions…. we need dreams to survive… we need that carrot stick… we need well call it hope, )i was thinking of another word but it won”t enter my mind) strive for your dreams but don’t chase them they will come in one form or another….
Well I will not claim to understand you, but I do get where you are coming from. And when you meet that person who seems to get those jokes, have that fun, and ignite that spark comes along it is hard not to jump for the brass ring. Even if you know it might not be the best thing for you……..
we’re all freaks of nature. just some of us are more aware of it/try to hide it less …than others.
often we don’t know what we truly want until it jumps up and bites us… and even then we probably won’t understand it. but what’s the problem with that?
life isn’t a chess game… it’s a long series of one confusion followed by confusion.
try to enjoy the show
(“lord, what fools these mortals be!” -Puck, to Oberon)
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