January 23, 2002

  • Lately I’ve been contemplating what brings people together. And I don’t mean stuff like a mob scene or an ad campaign or a rock show or a restaurant. That’s just about mutual interest.

    I’m talking about Person A and Person B and they end up together, and they start thinking about how powerful the connection between them might be. They think about healing and/or comittment and/or love and/or cohabitation. Stuff like that.

    So I think there are two distinct levels at which people co-create these situations. There’s a cultural level, and this is a level where people understand that they’re supposed to pair off and raise families, and they’re supposed to do it in a certain way, with certain expectations and with certain outlooks. This gives the proceedings some structure, which can be as helpful as it can be stifling. This level is where people do what is expected of them, and I don’t mean to demean it, if that’s what I sound like, but I do find it horribly boring.

    The other level is, for lack of a better metaphor, chemical. You put two hydrogens and an oxygen in the same vicinity and you end up with water. You put Person A and Person B together and you end up with AB. It’s inevitable. It’s somehow natural, even if it flies in the face of social expectation, or even what a person wants. In a way, it’s out of control; it happens, and it can’t not happen. It doesn’t have to be about love or sex or romance, it’s just a function of potentials being actualized. It’s love of a different sort; it’s an intimacy that happens without bidding or preparation. At least, without conscious preparation. More on this later.

    I once read a book by a guy called Antero Alli, called ‘The Akashic Record Player.’ It’s a novel about, among other things, Feng Shui terrorists (who break into your house and re-arrange the furniture for the better). But it’s mainly a love story, or at least a chemistry story. The author posits that the Earth is a living being that lives off of our interactions, and when this chemical sort of intimacy happens, it’s a culinary delicacy. The implication is that we can make our situation on Earth better by finding and cultivating these sorts of interactions. I like this notion of the planetary consciousness sending us to find each other so she can get a tasty snack.

    But there’s something missing from that metaphor, and it’s this: We change potential over time, and I think that this mutable nature is more important than snack food for Earth, and is almost as important as the relationship itself. Relationships mutate, too, because they change us.

    Looking at my past relationships, it appears that I only really learn through repetition. I end up beating my head against the same general brick wall, thinking it will be different. It could be a function of whatever autism I might have, or it could be that I’m just a slow learner. I think Momma Earth is looking for some snack food from me, but hasn’t been able to line me up properly for a strong approach vector. She spins me towards the pair of hydrogen atoms, but I just miss, and no water slacks her thirst.

    Or maybe a better metaphor would be someone driving a huge sedan trying to get into a tiny parking spot, having to do a ten-point turn. Back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and, OK, now! You can’t get to the now without the back and forth, due not to your own inability, but because of physics. In that light, a ten-point turn is remarkably skillful.

    Hopefully that light won’t fade for a while.

Comments (11)

  • *wow*

    here’s the thing.  I come here.  I read.  And I have absolutely nothing profound to say.  The wordmistress is just speechless and has no desire to fix that.

    So….uh…that was sniggly

    V~

  • as a person who has fallen at first sight, there is a lot to be said for chemistry. in the progressin of the relationship, chemistry changes. some days it is a foul odour, but luckily, most days emit a pleasant perfume.

    i let whatever happen happen. it’s been painful but educational these last few years. great blog!

  • what V said…oh, and ouch.

  • …And sometimes, the chemistry does not make your metaphorical Water, but instead creates a volatile compound that explodes at the slightest pressure. What’s Momma Earth think o’that?

    I’m not sure all chemistry creates happiness. But all chemistry creates lessons. I still feel the lessons learned from my 7 years with a soulmate, and every chemical encounter since then has been as explosive, and as necessary.

    Perchance the Earth’s candy is not the relation-chemistry itself, but what happens in our psyche when that chemistry occurs.

  • mmmm what a delectable theory one this hedonist finds very delightful.

  • I agree with CitizenParasite.

  • I’ve never seen CitizenParasite and MarcoPolo in the same room at the same time…

    (Actually, that’s a lie.)

  • Surely you can’t reduce attraction between people to only 2 causes? If I thought that were true, my life would lose cansider amount of it’s meaning.

  • I liked that.

    I’ve gotten to the point where if there is no chemistry, I drop people-I don’t even bother. (Unless, of course, I need them for something, like a job, or a grade, or something.) but my close friends are all chemically correct ;) *grin* (maybe that doesn’t mean I use people, but simply that I don’t take up pointless endeavors)

    I dunno about food for the earth, but certainly it’s very yummi.

    ;)
    andro

  • Reducing the links between people to two causes makes about as much sense as expanding it to a zillion.

    I think when you start questioning why such chemical links occur, you get some amazing complexity. Maybe there’s a sort of karmic gravity well drawing you to someone, or maybe there’s a genetic predisposition, or maybe it’s all about pheremones. But I’ve noticed it, and thought I’d write about it, for what it’s worth.

  • hm. you ever opened your eyes one day and realized you’ve found the person who can satisfy most of the pressing psychological needs that have gone unactivated for the longest time, that you’ve actually figured out, anyway…
    and they’re willing.
    if it weren’t for the fact that they’ve tied themselves down to something that you can’t reach and you’re not sure you should try to?
    imagine you’ve known this person for years and only just reached the level of maturity to recognize they have the keys to those dusty doors in your psyche?

    so what are these messes we create through chemistry?

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