August 27, 2001

• Vivre La Difference!
  
  Tired of being young. Want to be an old fart who can say shit and people say, ‘eh, he’s just an old fart.’
  
  I once wrote a story that’s long since lost, about an old woman watching young men court the woman who lives in the house across the street. I never really understood why I put it in that perspective; the story’s about one of the suitors and how he differs from the others. But now I think I have a clue. It’s because the elderly get to exist outside of ‘normal’ society. At least in our culture. They’re allowed to observe, and report their findings back to everyone else, which is why we lock them up in old folks’ homes. We expect older folks to offer sage advice, whether we intend to listen to it or not. That’s part of their role.
  
  I was about to say that I’ve always felt older than people around me, but that’s not true. I used to feel older than people around me, now I’m just overtly smug. And having made it past 30, I’m happy to be part of the group the young people can’t trust.
  
  For some reason the movie ‘Logan’s Run’ resonated with me. Never mind that it’s post-apocalyptic science fiction, and therefore On Homer’s Radar, but that it’s basically set in a giant shopping mall of a world. You get killed when you turn 30, due not only to overpopulation, but also because old people ruin the aesthetic. They’re a buzzkill. Not only do old people remind you of your mortality, they also remind you of everything valuable you’ve thrown away in order to live in opulence. You’ve sold your future for a present that isn’t really all that satisfying.
  
  I’m thinking about this because I just saw a really good episode of a very strange TV show called ‘Waiting For God.’ It’s a show about a pair of really old folks in an old folks’ home. It was made by the BBC, but even so, can you imagine how hard it must have been to pitch? “Yeah, so it’s these two bickering old people, he’s an optimist, and she’s a pessimist, and they bicker and cajole each other. And they live in an old folks’ home.”
  
  Anyway, this episode ended with the pessimist woman getting back into the swing of being a pain in the ass by saying, “We’ll show you for not putting in curb cuts!” Which made me laugh because, well, anyway. It did. See, my mom has, over the past few years, been changing from someone who doesn’t need a wheelchair into someone who does. And while going through that change, she’s noticed the attitude with which society treats the disabled, be they elderly or not. And since she’s a writer, she writes about it. And since she’s a loudmouth, she complains about it. I say, “Mom, congratulations! You’re an activist!” and she says, “Oh, no, I’m not an activist…” as if I had just called her a Nazi or something.
  
  ‘The disabled’ get it even worse than the elderly. As much as people don’t seem to want to be reminded that they’ll be old, too, one day, they’re twice as disinclined to want to be reminded that they might be old and in a wheelchair. Or worse, young and in a wheelchair. But being in touch with my mom while she’s going through this has given me a new perspective on it: The degree to which you tune out what’s merely different about people for fear of its unpleasantness is the degree to which you, yourself, are disabled by your preconceptions.
  
  Which is to say: It’s not so bad to be young and in a wheelchair. And it’s not so bad to be around young people in wheelchairs, or old people in wheelchairs, or old people without wheelchairs. In fact, it’s not so bad to be around anyone at all.

  • 4:01 am
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