February 16, 2006

  • Worn

    It never ceases to amaze me how quickly things lose their sheen, their glow, their attraction.

    For instance: Long long ago, I wanted to have all the episodes of 'The Prisoner' on tape. And now I have three episodes on DVD, bought mostly as a reflex action stimulated by my old desire. I can barely bring myself to sit through them if I put them on... Granted, it's the last three, and they're all heavily psychedelic in their own way, and require a certain state of mind. But mostly I'm just a very different person now than I was when I first became a fan.

    And thus it is with many things. But it seems like the desire fades faster now. Maybe I'm older, maybe I'm more enlightened, maybe I don't have as much disposable income. I can't see myself buying things just to buy them (like so many people do), and the things I want are things I know I don't need. It's almost like a sport, wanting things. When you get them, the sport is over. Wanting is more fun than having.

    There are some things I want, that I know I need. There are places I need to go and see, and things I need to do, and probably people I need to meet... I have no idea who these people are, but I'll meet them, and then it will be obvious that I needed to meet them. I can't want to meet them. I can't want them to be a certain way, because that would limit what would come of it. Wanting is more fun than having, but some things, relationships especially, are better to have than to want.

Comments (4)

  • I'm kinda like that with ideas for software projects... I love cooking them up and thinking about them. Then I decide to act, fire up vim, and stare at a blinking cursor for an hour, unable to bring myself to crank out a single line of code. It's like all of the fun lies in the initial conception and the mental yes-it-could-work proofs (the wanting), and not in the actual devlopment (the having). Maybe I'm subconsciously afraid that my ideas are won't work and are actually just crap.

    Or maybe I'm just lazy.

  • i know where you're comin' from – except for the software writin' (i couldn't code my way out of a paper bag).... all the stuff that used to interest me now seems dull at best, particularly if it pertains to pop culture.... a lot of that has to do with parenthood, because i no longer have time for anything, and because i've changed quite drastically.... what's your excuse?

  • oh, wait... i scrolled down to read your last paragraph, but i actually read sean's comment... so nevermind what i said about software...

  • mindfulness...awareness of your wants and cravings.  responsibility to your savings.  those things came to mind here, i have that desire to own books, that quickly i don't read.  why did i buy them?  stuff becomes clutter, so buy what is aesthetic, buy what will have use indefinately. 

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