April 17, 2005
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The trouble with life is that it ebbs and flows. But not even that.. Ebb and flow describe tides, which are predictable.
And it isn't so much that the ebb-tide-except-not-really isn't predictable... You can see it coming, you can know what you're doing wrong now to make it happen... It's that it's not tied to the rythms of a celestial body outside your control. You can't blame the weather or the Republican congress.
Some changes are, in fact, outside your control, and social scientists and other astrologers have been trying to understand those rythms for quite a while. But there are also a few other things over which you have total control but which nevertheless end up being your momentary, cyclical downfall.
I let someone down recently. More than one person, in fact. I haven't been keeping up with the things I should keep up with. And I don't think I'm being hard on myself about these things... It's just that I wish my circumstance didn't involve sitting around with my thumb up my butt waiting for someone else to take care of this stuff.
Having the Asperger tendencies means it's diffictult to deal with these things. It's not an abrogation of responsibility, but a mitigation and explanation. I have to forgive myself every time, because I'd forgive anyone else. The alternative is to go nuts with guilt and shame.
But the question is: Is it enough to simply declare that I'm irresponsible and the world is going to have to deal?
Comments (8)
Why not? Your good qualities outweigh your mistakes. If somebody doesn't think so, he wouldn't be dealing with you. Apologize and go on with life.
I've been having almost identical issues lately. Been shirking things I should be doing, and killing myself with guilt as a result. Can't seem to get out of the habit of continually digging my own rut. Alas, life continues, despite my irresponsibility and despite my procrastination. So if you find out that it really IS enough to declare one's irresponsibility and the world actually does just have to deal, PLEASE spread some of that my way...=O) Could really use a little less guilt in my life about now...=OP
More relevant question: if we say no, what are you going to do to change the situation?
Well, see, that's the thing: I'm frozen on them. I'm completely stuck. That's why I call it an Asperger trait. I don't know what else to call it. I can relate to the way the other person probably feels about it, but I find myself unable to act. I'm not trying to justify it to anyone, least of all myself.
*nods*
not just an AS trait, the nature of life anywhere "off center on the attention spectrum" - anyway. More than enough. We try. Sometimes it doesn't work. We accept responsibility and try again. The world needs to keep spinning.
I know the tendencies you're referring to. In all likelihood, it's not going to be feasible to expunge those, or any other character flaw, permanently. I'm always suspicious of that new-year's resolution crap anyways, if it were possible to become a better person by making defiant assertions against years of habit the world would be a much better place than it is. The best you can do is know your weakness and remain vigilant against it. In fact, it's pretty much the only thing you can do, judging by my experiences. Note that I'm something of a hypocrite; I've been trying to follow the advice I just gave you for years now. It's pretty hard to sustain the effort.
welcome to the world of being human and making mistakes... it happens. we apologize and move on! ok?!!
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