September 20, 2004

  • I'm in a grey area of sleeplessness. For the past couple of nights, I haven't been able to get to sleep, other than through self-medication or sheer exhaustion.

    Every time my head hits the pillow, I start thinking. It's like a cyclotron in there, with all the thoughts happening, all at the same time. It's like at the circus: They have that big metal sphere cage with some guys on motorcycles, and they're zipping around inside that thing, and it's a wonder they don't crash into each other.

    Except my thoughs crash into each other, as they're destined to do by virtue of their subject matter. They all boil down to a speed bump. A road, with a speed bump on it. And I'm in the road, and I can't make it over the speed bump. Something so inconsequential, designed only to slow, not to stop. But it keeps my life from moving forward, down the road.

    Everything comes back to that. All the hopes and dreams and schemes come down to the speed bump I can't get over.

    I remember when I talked to my AS doc last time. He told me I was a the high end of functioning for AS. He said, "You're able to see what you're missing, aren't you?" And I stared at him.

Comments (4)

  • I have a small chunk from a story I'm emailing you on this...
    but what a "great" doctor comment...
    I remember this conversation with a psychologist who did really help me and worked incredibly hard with me...
    Me: "OK, what is it that makes me so interesting?"
    Her: "Because you can do things that you really shouldn't be able to."
    Me: "What does that mean?"
    Her: "Bluntly, with your skill set you should be sitting somewhere in a corner drooling."

  • $149 for a yashica!? that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard. the yashica's a good cameras - the lenses are super sharp. very well suited for architecture, landscape etc. not so much for portraiture (unless you have a soft focus filter or two) because of the sharpness. i used the yashica electro 35 for these photos:
    http://www.saturndesign.net/galleries/architecture/slides/balcony.html
    http://www.saturndesign.net/xanga/tabebuia.jpg

    also, matt denton's site is great. i refer to it a lot when i'm researching cameras before i bid on the at ebay, etc.

  • Bleh, and you're paying him/her for that crap advice? Hope you get some sound sleep.

  • I didn't mean the doc's comment to sound naive or stupid or anything; he's the only one who gets it.

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