February 21, 2004

• DOUBLEPLUSSPIRITUAL

  So this whole 1984/Newspeak vibe going on around the Homer household got me thinking about operant conditioning. I was curious to find out what sort of stuff is out there on the web dealing with disciplining the mind, through behavior modification. Not because I want to become Big Brother, but because I want to see what kind of advice random advice-givers on the web might give. So I plugged 'behavior modification' into google, and ended up at this page: The Behavior Modification Index on innerself.com. It's a big list of articles having to do with self-development.

  Now, a while back I was considerably more 'newagey' than I am now. Like, way, way more. Like the Firesign Theater says, "There's a seeker born every minute," and I was one of 'em. My situation was unique, however, in that I was carrying around an undiagnosed neurological disorder. Or perhaps it wasn't so unique, but the point is that none of this newagey stuff was going to provide me what I actually needed, even though it's undeniably nice to go on a guided visualization from time to time.

  So, here I am at the Index for all things newagey and Behavior Modification-esque. I've recently seen '1984,' and I'm thinking about how there's a bill in congress trying to exempt federal court rulings from judging cases based on the doctrine of the separation of church and state. Free speech is managed in 'free speech zones' wherever the president goes, and it turns out the only partisan alternative to the president, the Democratic party, is going to set up a 'free speech zone' of their own at their convention.

  And then I read this:
  

  Living in the Moment
  by Jacob Liberman with Erik Liberman.

  Being spiritual and taking care of our everyday affairs are exactly the same thing. There is no difference. With clarity we become ordinary -- simply taking care of whatever comes before us. In this process, we develop trust that whatever shows up in our lives, we will meet it.

  And this:
  

  Learning to Process Emotions
  by Gary Reiss, LCSW.

  One of the biggest problems that people bring to therapy is not knowing what to do with a wide range of feelings, including sadness, anger, ecstasy, fear, and depression. Many visits to medical doctors are attempts to deal with feelings unable to be expressed or released. Learning how to work with our feelings is a basic area of growth.

  Pardon me, I don't properly know how to process my negative emotions. Can you point the way to the room with the disposable china in it, so I can smash some?

  Then we come to Deepak Chopra, who emerged on the newage (rhymes with sewage) scene concurrent with my decision to leave the newagey sphere of spiritual reality behind. He says things like this:
  

  The fourth spiritual law of success is the Law of Least Effort. This law is based on the fact that nature's intelligence functions with effortless ease and abandoned carefreeness. This is the principle of least action, of no resistance. This is, therefore, the principle of harmony and love. When we learn this lesson from nature, we easily fulfill our desires.

  ...And that is bullshit. I'm qualified to say that Deepak Chopra is full of shit. I'm smarter than he is, and wiser, too. I've been reincarnated more times, and my kung fu is stronger than his.

  Seriously. I'm smarter and wiser and my kung fu is stronger than his. I will take revenge for the death of my master!!

  Gettin' a little carried away.

  Anyway: The doctrine should be that the effort required to create 'effortlessness' kinda makes the point irrelevant, don't you think? He goes on:
  

  If you observe nature at work, you will see that least effort is expended. Grass doesn't try to grow, it just grows. Fish don't try to swim, they just swim. Flowers don't try to bloom, they bloom. Birds don't try to fly, they fly. This is their intrinsic nature. The earth doesn't try to spin on its own axis; it is the nature of the earth to spin with dizzying speed and to hurtle through space. It is the nature of babies to be in bliss. It is the nature of the sun to shine. It is the nature of the stars to glitter and sparkle. And it is human nature to make our dreams manifest into physical form, easily and effortlessly.

  Now, getting into mythopoetic mode for a moment, sure, dude has a point. We can imagine a road that is easy to walk, has the most beautiful scenery, and is never too long to tire us out. And if we never imagine that road, we might never be able to believe it could possibly exist. But if you look at where you actually need to go, and you have to go 50 miles up 8% grade in muddy wagon ruts during the rain, through the largest chemical refinery on the planet, that's where you have to go, and it will hurt like a motherfucker.

  And please. It is the nature of babies to shit and cry.

  So imagine, if you will. Me, ten years ago, with my undiagnosed neurological disorder that makes me hyper-literal. I'm in a deep depression because of the problems associated with the aforementioned undiagnosed hyper-literal disorder-y thing. I'm searching for answers, because a dozen psychologists and neurologists and this-and-that-ologists can't freaking diagnose my undiagnosed neurological disorder. And I read something like what I've quoted above... It's the answer! The answer is to get out of my own way! If I just get aligned with some kind of flow or something, it will whisk me to the promised land!

  How can anyone accept such utter hogwash (besides having a neurological disorder, of course <- joke)? How can anyone deny that life is difficult? How can a spiritual leader such as Chopra emerge on a bubble of wishful thinking? The answer is more clearly present in '1984' than anyone involved would want to admit. The Newage Party has the answers. Just ignore your pain; doublethink it out of existence. It is crimethink. The pain is your crime against yourself! Transcend!

  Feh.

  • 6:48 am
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