January 20, 2004

• It's amusing to me how quickly and how completely I fall back into my routine after getting back from traveling. Stuck again, but not exactly stuck.

  I think the perfect living situation for me would be to have like a dozen places where I live on rotation. Tonight the punk warehouse co-op, tomorrow the house in the burbs, the next night on my friends' futon in their basement. Sometimes I'll do this to myself, either by driving off somewhere and staying a night in a motel, or just sleeping on the couch instead of the bed. It all helps disrupt the patterns.

  The patterns are killers, especially the at-the-computer-all-day one. There's stuff I should have done today that I didn't, because it's so easy for the Inner Autistic Brat to avoid them. I have lots of self-discipline, but that's *still* not up to the task when the threat of anxiety attack is on the table. Going off to a motel disrupts the pattern, but still allows avoidance, so it's not that great a solution.

  Ah well. One day I'll get this crap figured out.

  • 11:45 pm
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