December 28, 2003

• I haven't had much to say of late. I feel a general psychic bedragglement, a sort of apathy that comes from isolation.

  It's all part of the yin and yang of being me. Too much stimulation leads to a psychic overwhelm, and too little stimulation leads to bedragglement. The balance point in the middle is very difficult to maintain, so we're stuck with a see-saw pattern.

  I'm not really attached to it, either. I try not to be attached to the overwhelming feelings when I feel them, but they're kind of, you know... overwhelming. Certainly, though, I've developed the ability to have a relatively quick recovery time, and I'm more able to modulate the causes in the first place, so the out-of-control-ness factor isn't quite as big as it used to be. But I'm also not attached to being depressed. I mean, try to understand how that works, ye my neurologically-typical readers.

  The liberating thing about being depressed is that you finally reach a point of not really caring that you're depressed, and then you're free to pursue whatever is that you need to pursue. Right now, I need to pursue Las Vegas, Nevada, where a certain friend of mine has a really excellent performance gig that I want to support. I also need to pursue images of snow in the Utah desert at five megapixels per. (Mapquest tells me it's a much shorter drive if I go via Idaho and Utah, rather than Oregon and California. I'd much rather see California, so maybe on the way back.)

  • 5:59 am
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