December 30, 2002

• Economy.
  
  Economy is the science of determining relative value, and understanding the way these values change.
  
  What is of value to you? What matters most? What matters least? Where is the gray area in-between?
  
  There’s an equation I’m trying to understand. I’m trying to evaluate it. Give it value. Make the equal-sign work properly.
  
  The equation is that of the economy of wanting. I want only what I can achieve, or get, or give. The variables are many, but I’m paring them down. So much cancels itself out, when you’re focusing on the equal-sign, and not one side or the other.
  
  Economy of scale. Big desires use big energy. The economy of scale in my life is a small amount of energy to spend. I am finite. I want only a few small things.
  
  The equal-sign makes its own demands. Equilibrium. The balance beam, the pendulum. I have only a small effort to spare.
  
  I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never known. I have to narrow my path, reduce my options, kiss the many desires goodbye. When I find the equilibrium, and I’ve balanced the books, those desires will be dead weight, and now they’re only distractions.
  
  I can’t bring peace to the world. I can’t even bring peace to you. I can’t convince. I have no power. And most frustratingly, I won’t give up.

  • 1:43 am
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