August 24, 2002

  • A response from a few ‘blogs back:

    Not sure whether this makes any sense, but from your posts, you seem to be trapped in self-defeating perceptions of your traits. Believe me, you’re not a loser or a defective. But you do need to turn around some of the ideas you’ve accepted about yourself and look at them from a different angle.

    Posted 8/24/2002 at 10:03 am by Sylva – delete – block user


    What I’ve been doing lately is exactly that. I can’t all the sudden be happy about parts of my life that now have rational explanations, whereas before all I could do is shrug. I live with a level of anxiety most people don’t, and understanding how that is, and how it works, and how it could be different, is quite a bit to deal with.

    It’s like being a rock climber. If you stop and celebrate every hand-hold, you’ll never get to the top of the cliff face. The other reaction is to say that the next hand-hold is the one that will send you instantly where you want to go, so you spend all your time figuring out which magical incremental step to make.

    I’ve played both games. The lesson I learned from them is that expectations yield either disappointment or further expectations. Either way they don’t teach you what actually works, and they don’t let you be creative enough to see the real solution.

    My attitude toward ‘healing’ is the healthiest one I can find. I’m not sick and therefore don’t need to find the magic elixir. I’m just moving forward towards what I want.

Comments (3)

  • Expectations do tend to disappoint and get in the way. Sort of like that saying “life is what happens while you’re making other plans.”

  • Sylva

    Yeah, but without expectations, you don’t ever *do* anything.

    expectation fuels action toward a desired result. maybe you can detach to a degree, but all striving begins with desire and all desire comes with an expectation that our desire will be fulfilled.

    I know that if I am desire led, I’ll, at the very least, wind up with something…maybe not exaclty what I wanted, but something…

    Which is better than not expecting, not desiring, not striving and ultimately winding up with nothing.

    F

  • keep moving, keep your eyes open. what else do you really need to do?
    like the philosophy.

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