Then there was the time that the Most Holy Homer managed to take his eyes off the computer screen. He walked out his front door and flowers blossomed wherever he looked. He leaned against a tree, and birds began singing in that tree. He took a deep breath of air and just then, a zillion little cells took fuel away to give it to other cells.

Homer began to think about all the interconnections, the loose ends all tied up in the world of phenomenon, the subtle balance of hormones in a healthy male, the possibilities that exist within the human mind, which can create not only bicycles but atomic bombs, the ticklish place that always gets gently touched when the argument of wave versus particle comes to the fore, the beauty of the sameness of human experience.

And then the bus came.

Today, on waking, His Most Holy Homer found that there was no coffee in the house.

Here begins the lesson: Homer was at a perfectly good cafe last night, where they have perfectly good coffee you can buy by the pound, and yet Homer did not think to purchase any. But did Homer moan and wail his fate? No! He performed one of many recorded miracles!

He took his tool of social magic (AKA ‘money’) and used it to influence someone’s mind. That person, under the influence of both Homer’s magic and their own free will, made a lovely soy latte for Homer.

Here endeth the lesson.

As your Cult Leader I command you to go and look at PekoPeko, the web site for a ‘zine about food.

Karen Eng, editor of said ‘zine, is one of the coolest people ever, and sending her four bux in exchange for a magazine is worth your while. I decree it thus.

Sleep

Many cults engage in sleep deprivation as a form of spiritual practice. The Cult Of Homer has just the opposite stance: Sleep is sacred.

Goya sez “The sleep of reason produces monsters“, but Homer teaches that monsters are an important part of a balanced diet.

You shouldn’t have too many monsters, but having no monsters Just Ain’t Sexy. And you should go ahead and be sexy.

And with that in mind, it’s time for me to go to bed.

First Order Of Magnitude. Er, I mean, First Order Of Business. Er, I mean, First Degree Of The Order. Er, I mean WE START

You must always remember that there are multitudes within you: There’s Social You, the one that expects a civil greeting. There’s Primate You, who evaluates self-worth according to the type of civil greeting you get. There’s Physical You, who wonders if you can get into my pants. There’s Emotional You, who might want some kind of fulfillment from me. There’s Mental You, who wonders what mischief I’m up to. And least but not last, there’s Spirit You, who already knows all this, and who I don’t really need to greet, but I will anyway, so that it’ll help you not go out and join any cults, least of all the Cult Of Homer.

Now, in the Cult Of Homer, we have a way of acknowledging the multitude within each other, and giving voice to the multitude within ourselves as part of doing so. And that way is the Most Holy Way, and there is no other way. Here’s how to do it:

Look at the other person. Make eye contact. Smile a genuine smile. Nod slightly. Utter the Holy Word: “Howdy.” Assume that all that is you has acknowledged all that is the other person. Assume that the boundary between yourself and the other has vanished, even if you can’t see that it has, or even if you can’t understand what the hell I’m talking about. You may now proceed to be a human being.

So. With that in mind:

Howdy.

The Cult Of Homer

This week’s Free Will Astrology for Sagittarius:

Have you ever considered starting your own religion or think tank or publication? Have you ever dreamed of appearing on all of the televisions in the world simultaneously and delivering a stirring speech (translated into 122 languages) entitled “Be Like Me!”? The next few weeks would be a favorable time to get started on an epic scheme like this, or on any other vast, multi-pronged conspiracy that would take many years of careful yet uninhibited planning to carry out. I’m telling you, Sagittarius, your biorhythms are practically begging you to entertain fantasies of wielding fantastic power–especially the kind that would help and inspire many people.

Given this liscense by someone whose sage wisdom I respect (and like to dance to), the next week will be dedicated to The Cult Of Homer.

You will begin to see why you should be just like me, and you’ll also understand why you’ll fail miserably if you even try, but you’ll only understand after you’ve made the effort.

You will be seduced by the light side, the dark side, the inside and the outside. You will bounce off the Homeric Buddhafield of Snarky Love and that bounce will take you high enough to catch a glimpse of all that you could be, if only you filled my moccasins.

Questions answered. Love offerings accepted. Aim to please, shoot to kill.

Well, I got to the theater early (busses are either early or late), so I walked down the street to a nifty place I’d heard about called Aurafice Cafe. The gimmick: a row of PCs down one of the walls.

Too much dark alternative music, and people who are too young (read: make me feel old), but a damn fine soy latte to go along with the 60hz refresh rates.

$.10/minute to use the computers, minimum $.50. It’s on Pine, a block and a half south of Broadway.

Tonight: Fellini Satyricon! This is one of those movies I’ve always wanted to see on the big screen. I kind of wish I’d never seen it before, so I’d get the full impact, but whaddayawant?

This movie came out when I was three years old. My oldest memory is of being three. Fellini’s films all deal with memory and subjective reality. So there is symmetry.

Any Seattleites out there: Show up at the Egyptian for the 7pm show and look for the guy with the skull on his shirt. Not that that’ll be ME, mind you, but you’re sure to have a nice conversation.

I gave up today and watched too much TV. Five hours at least.

I’ve found that television is cheaper than other drugs such as heroin, as long as you’re ready to give yourself over to it.

My good friend and housemate, X (no, that’s really her nickname), was startled to see me emerge from the converted basement/TV-watching-place. She thought she was alone in the house, and I suppose she was right, ultimately.

I did end up watching about three hours of a PBS thing about the history of public education in the US. It was pretty interesting to see the roots of all the current debates over education. An apt way to end Labor Day, I suppose; talk about IQ tests and career tracking.

Question Du Jour

Which would you rather have:

A) higher minimum wage, universal health care, stricter labor and consumer protection laws

or…

B) a national holiday in honor of the working class

?